"Ahhhhh," Mollie screamed as the bats flew over our heads, "I think that those bats were fruit bats."
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Mrs Giles (100 WC team)
8/6/2015 04:46:49 am
Well done on your effective use of speech throughout this piece. The premise of your writing, the walk to Grandma's, is well put in but needs to be further expanded upon. I do agree with the narrator that licking a tree would make your tongue tingle. I would really like to know more about the temperature and also how those bats made the girls feel. I know that I might start running away if a large swarm of bats flew at me.
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